Don’t give up. 

You’re free to be the strangest thing in life. 
According to the world’s perception of stranger things. 
The strangest things are often the greatest anyway. 
You’re free. 
To dance under the blue moon. 
To lie on the green grass. 
To stare into the yellow sun. 
To paint the town red. 
To bleed purple. 
To be whatever color you want to be. 
Who decides?
Who decides who you are. 
Who you want to be. 
Who decides what’s normal, or strange?  
They turned deaf ears to the sermon taught on the streets of their “normal” society. 
Never heard of practicing what you preach.
Or is the love so out of their reach? 
Preach love and practice hate, prejudice and segregation. 

They keep telling you what to be. 
These people who aspire to be like you. 
These people who can’t stare in the mirror each morning. 
People who hate who they are. 
They resent your self love. 
They resent your self acceptance. 
They resent you for being at peace with yourself. 
In a world full of white, black and gray. 
They resent your rainbow, that you even dared do be different. 
They resent that you tried to change the world. 
You’ve rejected their labels. 
So they’ve forced one on you; dead. 
So darlings, head home. 
Home to your father. 
Send your love in color from up. 
Send a rainbow so people like you who’ve dared to live may find hope. 
Brighten their way darlings. 
Be their gold at the end of the rainbow. 

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Enough

And I wasn’t enough
They took and took and took some more.
Until all that was left of me was a husk of my former soul
But I couldn’t be what they wanted.
They wanted a rainbow but I was just blue.
They wanted a galaxy, I was just one star.
They wanted sunshine,  I was just … sunshine.
But I still wasn’t enough even though I was just what they wanted.
They said I was too bright.
They wanted a desert, I was just one grain of sand.
They said a storm would cool their hatred for me.
I squeezed myself until I imploded but I was just one drop.

MoonChild,
Ada di ora mma,
Daughter of the gods,
Descendant of goddesses.
Royalty flows in your blood;
Blue blooded from birth.
Who made you doubt whom you are ?
Who tore down your self confidence ?
Who dared try to break down what the gods put together ?
You are life.
Look at the way your skin glows.
Dark as the fertile lands from which we survive.
Don’t you know ? You don’t ?
Look at the way your hips sway,
Like the winds sway the tree.
You are a life force.
Mother of nations.
Look them in the eye and tell them who you are.
As you dance to the music in the wind
As the world plays her symphony around you.
As your father and his father before play their flutes for you.
As the sweat rolls off you like waterfalls.
Dig the balls of your feet into the soil and claim what is yours.
You are the earth and she is you.
But never forget.
You are death too,
Take your wrath out on those who seek to destroy you.
Become the water which they seek
Let the waters take them
And let it drown them.
Shine bright like the sun.
Burn their hatred for you
Burn their hatred and them with it.
Reduce them to ashes.
Deserts the colour of your palms will roll off your skin, bury them in your sand Ada’m.
Bury them in yourself.
You are the land and she is you.
But; you can never be a rainbow, Nne’m.
You are Blue-blooded.
Do not ever taint your blood with mediocrity to please the world.
You are enough, you are more than enough.

Sunshine

I can’t

Choking up. Breaking out.
Can’t let it out. I’m dying here.
This place isn’t mine.
I’m running out of options.

Trying to change me.
Leave me and my inner demons.
My friends, my companions.
Your angels, don’t haze me.

Hate, so deep.
Withdrawal.
Tired of the pretence.
Going home.

These blades never looked good enough.
I’m leaving my body. My soul is unbalanced.
I can’t cry. These words won’t come.
Stuck in my head. They’re bleeding from my ears.

Crossed legs, closed eyes.
Sniffles and pain. Heartbreak and pins.
Salt lake on my face.
Alone. So alone.

Red so red.
Doesn’t. Can never.
Bind. Hopelessness.
I don’t have any more words.

Fuck you and your happiness.
I can’t claw out of this hole.
I’m dying. Alone.
I hate you. Just leave.
Leave me alone.

Red

This is a short story, I haven’t written anything in a while, just wanted to drop this here, it’s fictional so I’ll appreciate your comments. Thank you.

I’ve always been there, a statue, never changing, never moving, the ever-reliable Jo-Lynn, the last child of my parents, why am I like this, why was I born calm? There’s no fire in me, no anger, no passion, no desire to react, no zeal to be more why am I Jo-Lynn?
He hit me for the first time when I was six years old; a belt buckle is harder than it looks y’know? It can split your skin; you can feel the pain in your bones, why would she let him hit me like this? Did she hate me? Does she hate me still? I don’t know, I’ve never known, hate is such a strong word but appropriate, she watched him hit me, again and again and again with no plea from her, she said I deserved it, I was to be seen but not heard, why does he hate me so ? My brothers and sisters? They look at me with scorn and anger, with spiteful tears in their eyes, wishing me death, a fate even worse than death.
I am a product of rape, a mistake they said, a failed abortion, bad-blood runs through my veins, blood from a criminal, I think he has bad taste and was un-naturally horny, I mean my mother is no beauty, I look too good to be hers, apparently she doesn’t hide the details from me, he was fine I suppose, dashing even, my father I mean. They told me who I was or still am when I was ten, the real me, who my father was, I guess I don’t deserve love or kindness, I’m a mud-blood; dirty.
I got sent to school, very beautiful experience, I was a loner, be seen and not heard, I did just that, “never speak to anyone unless spoken to”, that was my motto. Valedictorian, Best graduating student, beautiful job, the hatred still from my family, the anger at my success, the pain at my joy,” keep moving, never stop”. My other motto.
It hurt to look at him, he was so handsome, so beautiful, I have no mama, and so no one warned me about his type, I was a virgin for lack of opportunity, who would want to do the class freak? He said the right words at the right time, did the right things at the right time, it was too good to be true, I don’t deserve this, this happiness, I’m a mud-blood, I bring anger, pain, sorrow, why does he love me? We would wait till my wedding night he said, sent from heaven, my husband now.
Ice-Lynn, he called me, “cold as ice”, he said. “So cool, so reserved, no passion, no fire, no response, even in our bedroom”, he said to his friends. “A bore to me really”. Ice melts, the dam broke, my ice turned to tears, his words kindled a fire in me, an unquenchable fire, I tried to learn, to please him, how does ice turn to fire in such a short time, no more numb, no more composed.
I got home early today, his car was parked outside, these shoes, they look familiar, so familiar… They were having sex in our bed, the whore, the whore who begot me, the whore who made me into ice, who killed all feelings I have ever had, she looked at me in the eyes and smiled, he hadn’t seen me yet, kept on going at her, like his life depended on it.
A belt buckle is harder than it looks y’know? It will crack a skull if hit with anger and rage, the blood, so red, beautiful color, someone said it shows confidence when worn, I was wearing red now, my husband kept looking at me, so quiet now, he was in shock I suppose, I started taking off my clothes slowly, wiping the blood from my hands on my cheeks, smearing the blood on my skin, now he can see the fire in me, the passion, we made love in her blood, smeared all over us, slowly, building up, then fast, then slow again, so much fulfillment, so much joy.
Death gives me fire, I need fire to keep my husband, have you offended me? Have you made me sad? If yes, then you’re on my list, might not be the next but you’re on my list still.

Achilles’ heel

Shadow of myself. Behind your other girls.
Trying to make you love me. Drowning in deluded illusions.
You can do no wrong, my own perfection.
The reason for my creation. A known fact or a question ?

Born to bring peace. Made to bring you happiness.
Wishing it was me, not you in pain.
Praying for you to a foreign god. All for you, I kneel.
Dissolving in my own blood. Letting it go just for you.

Opening myself to you as she does the same.
Just talk to me, I don’t need you to love me.
You’re my addiction, my only weakness.
I want your pain, the tears inside it.

I want you to be happy, for your smile to light me up.
Here’s my heart, dash it into a million pieces. My sacrifice to make.
It’s useless anyway, I can love no other.
I’m yours forever, yours truly baby boy.

Dying now, slowly.
With a smile, your smile on my mind,
Dying happy, with joy.
Not us against the world, just you and her.
Your last words in my heart; I’m fine.

Change

These hands protected me, now you hit me with them.
These lips kissed my tears, you hurl bad words now at me.
Your fingers brushed my hair back, now you drag me with them.
Where did i go wrong ?
Why do you hate me so ?
You say it’s the last time and I pray for it to be.
I can’t be mad at you.
My heart won’t let me.
But you hit me again and again.
It hurts. I won’t lie.
But I love you, I love you so much it hurts.
Pain is pleasure.
I will endure,
But for how long ?
These tears keep entering my cuts.
Reminding me of your cruelty.
This pain and pity, it’s like cancer.
Eating away at my soul, killing me.
You killed our baby before she lived
With your fists, your hands.
The hands that held me while we made her.
You killed our future.
This is the last straw.
I’m too weak to fight.
I’m dying slowly, the pain is eating out my heart.
It seizes to pump blood.
The hurt makes me older and frail.
Bright lights have come to guide me home,
Home to our daughter.
I couldn’t take a stand, i’m taking a sit now.
In heaven if God pleases.
Goodbye.

Au†ora

Black Rose

Black rose.
Grown in winter.
Cold petals.
No warmth for me.
Pain. Cold cold pain.
Death is black ?
I’m the death rose ?
Destruction in my wake.
Evil in my path.
Cold hands.
Bloody hands.
Red on the snow.
Red on white.
On your oesophagus.
Pain. Gasps. Cold breaths.
Die. Die.
Black rose.
Me ?
Death rose ?
One last kiss.
Taking your soul.
Destroying it.
Be afraid.
Fear me.
Cold.
Fear this cold.
Seek warmth now.
Or Die.

Ogenna Chizoba Ogbogu ©