Red

This is a short story, I haven’t written anything in a while, just wanted to drop this here, it’s fictional so I’ll appreciate your comments. Thank you.

I’ve always been there, a statue, never changing, never moving, the ever-reliable Jo-Lynn, the last child of my parents, why am I like this, why was I born calm? There’s no fire in me, no anger, no passion, no desire to react, no zeal to be more why am I Jo-Lynn?
He hit me for the first time when I was six years old; a belt buckle is harder than it looks y’know? It can split your skin; you can feel the pain in your bones, why would she let him hit me like this? Did she hate me? Does she hate me still? I don’t know, I’ve never known, hate is such a strong word but appropriate, she watched him hit me, again and again and again with no plea from her, she said I deserved it, I was to be seen but not heard, why does he hate me so ? My brothers and sisters? They look at me with scorn and anger, with spiteful tears in their eyes, wishing me death, a fate even worse than death.
I am a product of rape, a mistake they said, a failed abortion, bad-blood runs through my veins, blood from a criminal, I think he has bad taste and was un-naturally horny, I mean my mother is no beauty, I look too good to be hers, apparently she doesn’t hide the details from me, he was fine I suppose, dashing even, my father I mean. They told me who I was or still am when I was ten, the real me, who my father was, I guess I don’t deserve love or kindness, I’m a mud-blood; dirty.
I got sent to school, very beautiful experience, I was a loner, be seen and not heard, I did just that, “never speak to anyone unless spoken to”, that was my motto. Valedictorian, Best graduating student, beautiful job, the hatred still from my family, the anger at my success, the pain at my joy,” keep moving, never stop”. My other motto.
It hurt to look at him, he was so handsome, so beautiful, I have no mama, and so no one warned me about his type, I was a virgin for lack of opportunity, who would want to do the class freak? He said the right words at the right time, did the right things at the right time, it was too good to be true, I don’t deserve this, this happiness, I’m a mud-blood, I bring anger, pain, sorrow, why does he love me? We would wait till my wedding night he said, sent from heaven, my husband now.
Ice-Lynn, he called me, “cold as ice”, he said. “So cool, so reserved, no passion, no fire, no response, even in our bedroom”, he said to his friends. “A bore to me really”. Ice melts, the dam broke, my ice turned to tears, his words kindled a fire in me, an unquenchable fire, I tried to learn, to please him, how does ice turn to fire in such a short time, no more numb, no more composed.
I got home early today, his car was parked outside, these shoes, they look familiar, so familiar… They were having sex in our bed, the whore, the whore who begot me, the whore who made me into ice, who killed all feelings I have ever had, she looked at me in the eyes and smiled, he hadn’t seen me yet, kept on going at her, like his life depended on it.
A belt buckle is harder than it looks y’know? It will crack a skull if hit with anger and rage, the blood, so red, beautiful color, someone said it shows confidence when worn, I was wearing red now, my husband kept looking at me, so quiet now, he was in shock I suppose, I started taking off my clothes slowly, wiping the blood from my hands on my cheeks, smearing the blood on my skin, now he can see the fire in me, the passion, we made love in her blood, smeared all over us, slowly, building up, then fast, then slow again, so much fulfillment, so much joy.
Death gives me fire, I need fire to keep my husband, have you offended me? Have you made me sad? If yes, then you’re on my list, might not be the next but you’re on my list still.

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Daddy’s little girl

Ikana, I don’t know you really well but I know your pain, i’ve lost someone who’s like a dad to me, the pain just keeps going round your body. Numbing you, I don’t know.

Early morning drives to school,
Kissing skinned knees and acting tough.
Taking me out for a drive because I look sad.
Icecream on a Sunday afternoon after church.
Surprises out of the blues.
The best gifts.
My 5&6
Less nagging,
Lenient mind.
My first love, my superman, my hero.
My bestfriend, My father.

We’re little girls still,
Why should we suffer like this ?

Daddy’s little girl forever and a day
Please God don’t take my hero away
So lonely, so cold, tired of these songs
Play something else, get out the gongs.
Sing about me, I’m dying of pain.
My heart is breaking, going insane.
I want my daddy back, I want my hero back.
Can you hear me God, have you turned your back ?
Answer me, give me a sign, say something.
Don’t let me go, say something, anything.
I’m a sinner, forgive me, do me this favor.
My world has gone black, give me my colour
My knees are scraped, my hands hurt.
Praying to you God, a miracle have I sought.
Show me you love me, the love I hear about.
Give him back, I want him, I need him. I can’t go without.
I can’t cry, my mind is numb, help me.
My heart’s bleeding, do something, save me.
I can’t go through with this, i’m just a little girl.
Get me out of this dream, i’m just a little girl.
I’m still my daddy’s little girl.
Don’t let my daddy go away.
Please God.

RIP Ikana’s dad.
God knows best.

Au†ora

Change

These hands protected me, now you hit me with them.
These lips kissed my tears, you hurl bad words now at me.
Your fingers brushed my hair back, now you drag me with them.
Where did i go wrong ?
Why do you hate me so ?
You say it’s the last time and I pray for it to be.
I can’t be mad at you.
My heart won’t let me.
But you hit me again and again.
It hurts. I won’t lie.
But I love you, I love you so much it hurts.
Pain is pleasure.
I will endure,
But for how long ?
These tears keep entering my cuts.
Reminding me of your cruelty.
This pain and pity, it’s like cancer.
Eating away at my soul, killing me.
You killed our baby before she lived
With your fists, your hands.
The hands that held me while we made her.
You killed our future.
This is the last straw.
I’m too weak to fight.
I’m dying slowly, the pain is eating out my heart.
It seizes to pump blood.
The hurt makes me older and frail.
Bright lights have come to guide me home,
Home to our daughter.
I couldn’t take a stand, i’m taking a sit now.
In heaven if God pleases.
Goodbye.

Au†ora

Despair 2

I wrote this for the art above, Drawing by BankyPhoenix

Happy childhood. Then it’s not.
Good memories, all lost.
Gut wrenching, so much pain.
No sunshine, more rain.
Lost hope, no smiles.
Stamina’s gone at the very last mile.
Words stop to rhyme,
Going numb but my heart is beating hard.
Tears come, the salt tells it from the rain.
The east and west repel me.
The north and south reject me.
I pray for the ground to swallow me.
The land into which I was born has refused me.
I have no way to go, nowhere to run to.
The last sane human, no one to turn to.
Tired, tired, everything makes sense now.
Little cuts, tiny ones, like i’m making a vow.
These blades start to speak to me.
Whispering a red lullaby to me.
So sharp, so sensual, metal against my pale hands
So cold, that tang, like rain in dry land.
The first cut, then many, blade through my skin.
Slicing like a hot knife through margarine.
It takes away the pain, slowly.
Fading from my mind, slowly.
Slice of pain, first of many.
No tears, so damn rainy.
I sing without pain.
Still no tears. Just this rain.
My symphony of bloody gongs.
A melody, my suicide song.

Au†ora

Revisiting My Past

If I could rewrite something from my past, they wouldn’t have died.
So young, so full of life, within 2 years, gone, in the blink of an eye, both of them. I don’t know where they are now, I really can’t vouch for anyone.
Once upon a time, I had 2 elder brothers and 2 uncles, now I have 1 each, death happened.
I won’t bore you with the details, I won’t give you gory tales of their deaths but they involved vehicles, both of them were killed by Mack trucks, my uncle and my brother, 11 years and 10 years respectively.
I can’t stand near a truck again, lol, such fear for one so young.
Death you have no heart, you have no sympathy but you don’t scare me, I know where i’m headed to, you’re just a means to a necessary end for me, when it’s time, i’ll welcome you but for now, i’ll stop rewriting my past,
I’ll start writing my future,
You reading this, will you ?

© Ogbogu Chizoba Ogenna

Black Rose

Black rose.
Grown in winter.
Cold petals.
No warmth for me.
Pain. Cold cold pain.
Death is black ?
I’m the death rose ?
Destruction in my wake.
Evil in my path.
Cold hands.
Bloody hands.
Red on the snow.
Red on white.
On your oesophagus.
Pain. Gasps. Cold breaths.
Die. Die.
Black rose.
Me ?
Death rose ?
One last kiss.
Taking your soul.
Destroying it.
Be afraid.
Fear me.
Cold.
Fear this cold.
Seek warmth now.
Or Die.

Ogenna Chizoba Ogbogu ©

Black Sunday

I was feeling pretty helpless yesterday and this morning, so I wrote this in honor of all the lost ones, God is in control, if you lost someone yesterday, take heart.
Dami, Ekene, Myself, Brovaman, are just a few.
The Onwuliris and some others.
Bless you all.

Plenty more gone,
Blink of an eye.
The child who could’ve been a surgeon,
The mom who died, why ?

Where are we headed to ?
What do they hope to achieve ?
Using a plane that’s twenty and two ?
Whose fault is it ? Who are we to believe ?

Children who never got a chance to live.
Who never had a chance to dream,
You tell me there’s hope but I want to leave,
I’m trying to make you see but I’m just one Nigerian teen.

We can’t speak up, not a word, just tear drops.
We’re all scared, every single one of us.
Cups are filled to the brim with tear drops.
Will we wait until the name on the manifest becomes one of ours ?

Isn’t there anything we can do ?
Isn’t there something we can say ?
Giant of Africa, you’re slowly going down the loo.
Speak up, if you may ?

I’ve cried more than I’ve thought.
These tears aren’t bringing them back.
Corruption, bribes & greed have led to more lives lost.
Evidently our system is whack.

This is my attempt at saying goodbye.
I’m at a loss for words.
I’ve never seen so much death with no chance to say goodbye.
Bomb blasts, a plane crash, just so much blood.

I don’t know half of them,
But they had family, friends & loved ones.
God will guide and protect them.
You never know how it feels until it’s one of yours.

Help me know why
Give me your words, lend me your thoughts
Which way Nigeria ? Which way ?
Since when has money become more than a life’s worth ?

I’m tired of ranting, I’m sure you are too.
I’m going to pray for Nigeria , will you ?
I’m one teen, you could make it two.
God will listen, he’ll answer.

June brought tears & the black Sunday.
Stand tall Nigeria, it isn’t the end.
God’s in control, he’s watching, it’ll end someday.
He’ll save us, one day, in the end.

R.I.P to all the lives lost on the Black Sunday , June 3rd 2012

© Ogenna Chizoba Ogbogu