Don’t give up. 

You’re free to be the strangest thing in life. 
According to the world’s perception of stranger things. 
The strangest things are often the greatest anyway. 
You’re free. 
To dance under the blue moon. 
To lie on the green grass. 
To stare into the yellow sun. 
To paint the town red. 
To bleed purple. 
To be whatever color you want to be. 
Who decides?
Who decides who you are. 
Who you want to be. 
Who decides what’s normal, or strange?  
They turned deaf ears to the sermon taught on the streets of their “normal” society. 
Never heard of practicing what you preach.
Or is the love so out of their reach? 
Preach love and practice hate, prejudice and segregation. 

They keep telling you what to be. 
These people who aspire to be like you. 
These people who can’t stare in the mirror each morning. 
People who hate who they are. 
They resent your self love. 
They resent your self acceptance. 
They resent you for being at peace with yourself. 
In a world full of white, black and gray. 
They resent your rainbow, that you even dared do be different. 
They resent that you tried to change the world. 
You’ve rejected their labels. 
So they’ve forced one on you; dead. 
So darlings, head home. 
Home to your father. 
Send your love in color from up. 
Send a rainbow so people like you who’ve dared to live may find hope. 
Brighten their way darlings. 
Be their gold at the end of the rainbow. 

Enough

And I wasn’t enough
They took and took and took some more.
Until all that was left of me was a husk of my former soul
But I couldn’t be what they wanted.
They wanted a rainbow but I was just blue.
They wanted a galaxy, I was just one star.
They wanted sunshine,  I was just … sunshine.
But I still wasn’t enough even though I was just what they wanted.
They said I was too bright.
They wanted a desert, I was just one grain of sand.
They said a storm would cool their hatred for me.
I squeezed myself until I imploded but I was just one drop.

MoonChild,
Ada di ora mma,
Daughter of the gods,
Descendant of goddesses.
Royalty flows in your blood;
Blue blooded from birth.
Who made you doubt whom you are ?
Who tore down your self confidence ?
Who dared try to break down what the gods put together ?
You are life.
Look at the way your skin glows.
Dark as the fertile lands from which we survive.
Don’t you know ? You don’t ?
Look at the way your hips sway,
Like the winds sway the tree.
You are a life force.
Mother of nations.
Look them in the eye and tell them who you are.
As you dance to the music in the wind
As the world plays her symphony around you.
As your father and his father before play their flutes for you.
As the sweat rolls off you like waterfalls.
Dig the balls of your feet into the soil and claim what is yours.
You are the earth and she is you.
But never forget.
You are death too,
Take your wrath out on those who seek to destroy you.
Become the water which they seek
Let the waters take them
And let it drown them.
Shine bright like the sun.
Burn their hatred for you
Burn their hatred and them with it.
Reduce them to ashes.
Deserts the colour of your palms will roll off your skin, bury them in your sand Ada’m.
Bury them in yourself.
You are the land and she is you.
But; you can never be a rainbow, Nne’m.
You are Blue-blooded.
Do not ever taint your blood with mediocrity to please the world.
You are enough, you are more than enough.

Sunshine

Roses

Another one of my quick writings.
This one of for Barakat, one of the best writers I know.

I looked and looked and found nothing wrong.
I hoped for a flaw and picked nothing up.
God’s gift to me. Christmas in a human.
Who said damaged girls had no happiness ?

We talked and loved and all things nice.
We fought, argued and made up in the end.
My bestfriend, my soulmate, better half of me.
God bless you for loving me.

Date nights and movies.
Hugs and hidden kisses.
Back seat sex and protection.
I want it legal.

I said yes, we’re married now.
Living together, sharing each other.
I’m walking on sunshine
Could life get any better ?

No. Life is getting worse.
You’re changing, you’re blackening my face.
Every other day something goes wrong.
You’re killing me, you’re hurting me.

Where did all the love go ?
You promised forever.
I love you, I forgive you.
Thank you for the flowers.

The roses’ thorns draw blood.
I can’t cry, I’m out of tears.
I have no children to hold as I grieve.
My barren womb has rejected your seed.

More roses. Every other day.
The scents turn to odors.
It’s become a habit to you.
You’ve planted me a garden of sorrow.

I love you, I’d die for you.
I can’t leave you, you need me.
Hit me again and again.
Draw blood if it makes you happy.

Throw me further into this abyss of self hate.
I don’t need to love myself,
Loving you is enough for me.
You’re the reason for my existence now

My chest hurts, my heart is stopping.
I’m dying and I’m sad.
I’m sad because you’re crying.
Be happy, I can finally watch over you.

Heaven is calling.
Say your final words.
On the morrow I leave.
Do me a favor ?
Bury me with a single rose.

Red

This is a short story, I haven’t written anything in a while, just wanted to drop this here, it’s fictional so I’ll appreciate your comments. Thank you.

I’ve always been there, a statue, never changing, never moving, the ever-reliable Jo-Lynn, the last child of my parents, why am I like this, why was I born calm? There’s no fire in me, no anger, no passion, no desire to react, no zeal to be more why am I Jo-Lynn?
He hit me for the first time when I was six years old; a belt buckle is harder than it looks y’know? It can split your skin; you can feel the pain in your bones, why would she let him hit me like this? Did she hate me? Does she hate me still? I don’t know, I’ve never known, hate is such a strong word but appropriate, she watched him hit me, again and again and again with no plea from her, she said I deserved it, I was to be seen but not heard, why does he hate me so ? My brothers and sisters? They look at me with scorn and anger, with spiteful tears in their eyes, wishing me death, a fate even worse than death.
I am a product of rape, a mistake they said, a failed abortion, bad-blood runs through my veins, blood from a criminal, I think he has bad taste and was un-naturally horny, I mean my mother is no beauty, I look too good to be hers, apparently she doesn’t hide the details from me, he was fine I suppose, dashing even, my father I mean. They told me who I was or still am when I was ten, the real me, who my father was, I guess I don’t deserve love or kindness, I’m a mud-blood; dirty.
I got sent to school, very beautiful experience, I was a loner, be seen and not heard, I did just that, “never speak to anyone unless spoken to”, that was my motto. Valedictorian, Best graduating student, beautiful job, the hatred still from my family, the anger at my success, the pain at my joy,” keep moving, never stop”. My other motto.
It hurt to look at him, he was so handsome, so beautiful, I have no mama, and so no one warned me about his type, I was a virgin for lack of opportunity, who would want to do the class freak? He said the right words at the right time, did the right things at the right time, it was too good to be true, I don’t deserve this, this happiness, I’m a mud-blood, I bring anger, pain, sorrow, why does he love me? We would wait till my wedding night he said, sent from heaven, my husband now.
Ice-Lynn, he called me, “cold as ice”, he said. “So cool, so reserved, no passion, no fire, no response, even in our bedroom”, he said to his friends. “A bore to me really”. Ice melts, the dam broke, my ice turned to tears, his words kindled a fire in me, an unquenchable fire, I tried to learn, to please him, how does ice turn to fire in such a short time, no more numb, no more composed.
I got home early today, his car was parked outside, these shoes, they look familiar, so familiar… They were having sex in our bed, the whore, the whore who begot me, the whore who made me into ice, who killed all feelings I have ever had, she looked at me in the eyes and smiled, he hadn’t seen me yet, kept on going at her, like his life depended on it.
A belt buckle is harder than it looks y’know? It will crack a skull if hit with anger and rage, the blood, so red, beautiful color, someone said it shows confidence when worn, I was wearing red now, my husband kept looking at me, so quiet now, he was in shock I suppose, I started taking off my clothes slowly, wiping the blood from my hands on my cheeks, smearing the blood on my skin, now he can see the fire in me, the passion, we made love in her blood, smeared all over us, slowly, building up, then fast, then slow again, so much fulfillment, so much joy.
Death gives me fire, I need fire to keep my husband, have you offended me? Have you made me sad? If yes, then you’re on my list, might not be the next but you’re on my list still.

Achilles’ heel

Shadow of myself. Behind your other girls.
Trying to make you love me. Drowning in deluded illusions.
You can do no wrong, my own perfection.
The reason for my creation. A known fact or a question ?

Born to bring peace. Made to bring you happiness.
Wishing it was me, not you in pain.
Praying for you to a foreign god. All for you, I kneel.
Dissolving in my own blood. Letting it go just for you.

Opening myself to you as she does the same.
Just talk to me, I don’t need you to love me.
You’re my addiction, my only weakness.
I want your pain, the tears inside it.

I want you to be happy, for your smile to light me up.
Here’s my heart, dash it into a million pieces. My sacrifice to make.
It’s useless anyway, I can love no other.
I’m yours forever, yours truly baby boy.

Dying now, slowly.
With a smile, your smile on my mind,
Dying happy, with joy.
Not us against the world, just you and her.
Your last words in my heart; I’m fine.

Cursed

Cursed, cursed. That’s what I am.
No talent, you mock me.
Hateful, so hateful, laughing at me.
I keep falling, failing at each turn.
Tired, pull me up, take me home.
Home to my father, Up.
Pain at your words, stop. Stop. Please.
I’m somebody, I’m important.
I am better than dust, more than just your dog.
I am a painter. A lifter.
I will paint you a picture with my words.
Lift these words off my brain.
A slow trail of lines, bloody lines,
Long lines, strong ropes.
Painting my red ballad on my wrists.
Dropping on your canvas; this cruel earth.
One last line, this rope. On my neck.
Lifting myself, to my father ?
Away from him ?
I am a painter. A painter gone to dust.

Daddy’s little girl

Ikana, I don’t know you really well but I know your pain, i’ve lost someone who’s like a dad to me, the pain just keeps going round your body. Numbing you, I don’t know.

Early morning drives to school,
Kissing skinned knees and acting tough.
Taking me out for a drive because I look sad.
Icecream on a Sunday afternoon after church.
Surprises out of the blues.
The best gifts.
My 5&6
Less nagging,
Lenient mind.
My first love, my superman, my hero.
My bestfriend, My father.

We’re little girls still,
Why should we suffer like this ?

Daddy’s little girl forever and a day
Please God don’t take my hero away
So lonely, so cold, tired of these songs
Play something else, get out the gongs.
Sing about me, I’m dying of pain.
My heart is breaking, going insane.
I want my daddy back, I want my hero back.
Can you hear me God, have you turned your back ?
Answer me, give me a sign, say something.
Don’t let me go, say something, anything.
I’m a sinner, forgive me, do me this favor.
My world has gone black, give me my colour
My knees are scraped, my hands hurt.
Praying to you God, a miracle have I sought.
Show me you love me, the love I hear about.
Give him back, I want him, I need him. I can’t go without.
I can’t cry, my mind is numb, help me.
My heart’s bleeding, do something, save me.
I can’t go through with this, i’m just a little girl.
Get me out of this dream, i’m just a little girl.
I’m still my daddy’s little girl.
Don’t let my daddy go away.
Please God.

RIP Ikana’s dad.
God knows best.

Au†ora