Catalyst

Day after day, months after month.
Waiting for it to get better.
It’ll be fine in the end they said.
There’s no end for me.

Spiraling in this black hole that is forever.
Aging at the speed of light.
Gotten old in the blink of an eye.
Give me my childhood back.

My laughter has turned to cackles.
A maid with false teeth and no smiles.
No aid. Stop explaining.
I’m fine. I’m perfect.

No tears for me. My soul has dried up.
Tear glands are clogged with dust from my brittle bones.
Bending over from the load.
The people I lean on grow weary of me.

I lend my cackle to the troubled so they might laugh. Making them happy.
I dance with my shaky knees to their amusements.  At my demise.
Dancing in the rain. Drops of my tears past.
Say hi to me; catalyst to your happiness.
Leaving in a bit so say bye to me.

Daddy’s little girl

Ikana, I don’t know you really well but I know your pain, i’ve lost someone who’s like a dad to me, the pain just keeps going round your body. Numbing you, I don’t know.

Early morning drives to school,
Kissing skinned knees and acting tough.
Taking me out for a drive because I look sad.
Icecream on a Sunday afternoon after church.
Surprises out of the blues.
The best gifts.
My 5&6
Less nagging,
Lenient mind.
My first love, my superman, my hero.
My bestfriend, My father.

We’re little girls still,
Why should we suffer like this ?

Daddy’s little girl forever and a day
Please God don’t take my hero away
So lonely, so cold, tired of these songs
Play something else, get out the gongs.
Sing about me, I’m dying of pain.
My heart is breaking, going insane.
I want my daddy back, I want my hero back.
Can you hear me God, have you turned your back ?
Answer me, give me a sign, say something.
Don’t let me go, say something, anything.
I’m a sinner, forgive me, do me this favor.
My world has gone black, give me my colour
My knees are scraped, my hands hurt.
Praying to you God, a miracle have I sought.
Show me you love me, the love I hear about.
Give him back, I want him, I need him. I can’t go without.
I can’t cry, my mind is numb, help me.
My heart’s bleeding, do something, save me.
I can’t go through with this, i’m just a little girl.
Get me out of this dream, i’m just a little girl.
I’m still my daddy’s little girl.
Don’t let my daddy go away.
Please God.

RIP Ikana’s dad.
God knows best.

Au†ora

Despair 1

The 1st one.

Ecstatic, joyful, happy.
My best feelings of all.
Hyper-active, not even slightly grumpy.
Start of something new, end of the dull.
Things are starting to change, flowers dying.
People are changing, turning sour.
Save me, please, I can’t stop crying.
Depressed, losing hope, too young to cower.
But i’m me, still me, i’m scared of the future.
Life has started losing it’s meaning.
More pressure, no pleasure.
A broken past that needs fixing.
My words cease to rhyme.
Teach me how to be young again.
Save me from my tears.
The salt keeps entering my wounds.
Crawling on broken glass.
Blood, bleeding slowly.
Dying, blood and salt.
Losing the essence of my existence
Tug of war in my mind.
Old or young, let me know.
Confused, loss of words.
Letting go.
Eyes closing
Zeal, emotions heated.
Tired of trying.
This blade never looked so good.
My hand never looked so appealing.
Cuts, cuts, so red, so beautiful, so neat.
I love the pain, so orgasmic.
Red against my pale skin.
Crimson really, my life’s blood.
Flowing away slowly, body going numb.
Cold, so cold, fading.
Ecstatic, joyful, happy.
My favorite emotions.
Happy to go now.
Stiff, the pain is ebbing now.
Dying, dying.
Goodbye.

Au†ora

A letter to you

You claim to be my friend ?
You should know me.
You claim to know me ?
You should understand me.
I’ve been changing since I was young for people.
People who left.
People who don’t care.
Now you’ve come along
And you want me to change.
It’s not that easy you know ?
I’m trying.
But Rome wasn’t built in one day,
Ogenna can’t change in one day.
You bear grudges
And won’t say what’s on your mind,
You show yourself when we have a problem.
I thought you knew me.
I can’t keep in touch,
I’m a loner.
Being alone is my fort.
You’re in my life ?
That’s proof I care.
You say I don’t care,
You don’t know me,
I have it hard,
I’m close to the edge,
Your words are pushing me off.
I have it tough without you saying things.
Making me regret letting you in.
I don’t check on you ?
I pray for you.
That’s the best I can do.
I’ve been pushed away too much to keep trying
I have scars, emotional scars.
I don’t want more.
I can’t risk all.
If you’re my friend,
You should know me
You shouldn’t judge me
You should love me
For who I am.
If it’s too much to do.
Then let me go.

If you’re reading this,
Let me know what i’m doing wrong,
We all have faults,
Don’t condemn me till you’ve heard my story.

Au†ora

A wish

I wish for;

world peace,
a better future for orphans.
Hope for the hopeless
Jobs for the jobless
Children for the barren
Money for the poor
Peace for the troubled.
Homes for the hopeless.
Less bombings.
Death to the BH boys.
A meeting point for Christians and Muslims.
A better 2013
Good grades
Happiness
Good friends
A new phone
a more beautiful country.
better friends
a gun for new year.
A voice memo.
Better nails
Better toenails
Less hair on my skin.
Aviators and Ray-bans
Some pretty dresses.
A bigger bum.
New clothes.

I wish to be;
A model
A mother
A wife maybe
A writer
A Nobel prize winner
An ambassador of peace.
A really young professor.
Independent
Indifferent
Calm
Hard to read.
Slow to anger.
Richer.

I wish to have;
Kids
A beautiful home not house
A job that I love
A job which will exhaust me.
My kids see my parents.
A family reunion
An endless supply of skittles.
An endless supply of fanta.
A black card.

Some of my wishes.
What are yours ?

Au†ora

Outer Wordly Beings

Bad days will come and go, good friends will stay forever.
You’re never alone, God is with you.

He manifests his love through humans called friends.

and for this single reason, I praise His holy name.

Thank you Lord for giving me the friends I have.

Yesterday I felt really bad. I felt evil and unwanted.

But I know i’m not either because God’s light shines through me.

Bankole thanks for the book, it’s helping a lot.

Chris wrote this for me yesterday and I bawled like a big baby.

” Hmph, what is this feeling ?
Heart Racing, arms shaking, shortness of breath,
I can’t see an end to this,
And why can’t I ? She’s too intense.
Visible to the blind, aura so magnificent
Glowing white,
I refuse to believe in outer worldly beings,
She proves their existence..
So modest, heart of gold,
Beauty in simplicity, thoroughly refined,
She’s a fairy, no, better than that…
Distance no barrier, you feel the purest of white,
Kindness, an understatement…
What is left to say? Only so much…
Outer worldly beings, existence proven… ”

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Have a beautiful day all of you,

Say or do something nice to someone today.

© Autora.